a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
