Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
