Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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