I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
