so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this just has baby written all over it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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