So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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