youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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