she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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