He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Randomize
