My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize