Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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