i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
