I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How's work?
Spinning.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just blew my weed a kiss
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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