he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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