4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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