I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Randomize