i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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