"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it's like heaven, but drunker
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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