okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
