When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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