I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
