i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
