I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
