i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize