if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
