i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
