Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
