The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
