the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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