I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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