Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
