who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
