Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
