I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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