I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
