sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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