we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
