If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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