if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
