Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
