come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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