Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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