my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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