For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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