No awkward lesbian experiences without me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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