remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
