Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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