wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
