Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my phone needs a breathalizer
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
