Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
