Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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