remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
