The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
