don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
