bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
bring money and cleavage
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
