All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
