let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
