Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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