I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
