I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I supernannyed him into submission
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
