I puked a lego.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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