Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
