my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize