I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
