You just made me feel so damn special
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
