You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize