apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
