I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
